pause

While I'm figuring out how to reconfigure the blog, I'm taking a break. Laters.

the hard part is over

I officially resigned at work today. It was really difficult. I told both teams and it was emotional each time. I found myself tearing up a few times. It was oddly difficult when I was telling the only other black person who works for the team. I only just met her a couple of months ago. I did hear some great ego boosting stuff but I know how people usually say things like that when you leave. They also weren't shy about discussing the annoyance of finding someone new. C'est la vie.

I still don't know what to do with this blog now since it was dedicated to a way of life that is not going to happen. I'll have to go back to the drawing board. Speaking of, I'm working on plans for the hubs' birthday. I've got some things up my sleeve that I can't openly mention due to his nosiness.

Since we're strongly considering becoming homeowners, I've upped my HGTV intake. It's just hilarious how much home a certain amount gets you in the different areas of this country. I've got a House Hunters episode on set in San Francisco. The couple has $450k and they're excited over a 600 sq ft 1 bed/1 bath w/a shared yard area. I love that city but I wish I would!!

I have a lot of remodeling in store, right? Job, house, blog...

a sum total of everything

well i took almost a week to digest the new course my life is going to take and things are looking up. i've given myself a few projects. i'm still attempting to see all the Oscar nominated films/performances, i'm working on a start date for the new job, i'm entertaining the notion of becoming a home owner and the search for new and fun physical activities continues. all in all, not too shabby.

i gotta write up some reviews soon and then completely redo this blog.

the end

we've beaten the bush and been around the mulberry tree, ashes to ashes we all fall down.

i'm not proud of myself but i pushed and pushed him until i got what i knew has been there all along: he doesn't want to be a lawyer. he doesn't actually want to go to law school. he, like many of us i believe, found himself really unhappy and not sure what else to do. sounds like what's up with most of the people currently in law school.

i am so full of emotion but the presiding one is peace. just...thank God i didn't move to Toledo, Ohio for no reason! to be honest, another one is a dose of bitterness. i am a little mad at the roller coaster ride i've been on for six months. on the other hand, i cannot dare to imagine my life with an unhappy lawyer because with an unhappy social worker - damn! it hasn't been puppies and rainbows. as a ha ha from God- he got accepted to Cleveland State today. yay.

i'm so wiped i can't write much more than that. i'll be back...

There are counselors for this

had the "BIG CONVERSATION" last night. we're both mopey because (even more than ever) the reality of this situation hit hardcore.

the opportunity to go to law school, to graduate as a lawyer and seek employment as a lawyer who is not employed in a big corporate firm, without any law school debt is just too much to pass up. we're moving to toledo, ohio.

my sister gave me some good perspective: "it's just three years". i hear you loud and clear heather, loud and clear.

the only head-scratching-ness is how to execute this. do i leave early and seek a job because the economy is so bad that i get something before he absolutely can't work anymore and we're not both unemployed or do i work as long as possible here to save up money so that when we both move out there - we have some money saved?

the title was serious - i think we may go to a counselor as a sort of mediator/problem solving something...updates to come.

back and forth

i went to san antonio from last friday until late last night so i don't have a whole lot to process. my sister makes me a little sad but her children are great. i got a lot of sweet kisses, funny kid speak and fairly decent mexican food. pictures to come in a different post.

the hubs and i are having our 'BIG DISCUSSION DINNER' tomorrow night. i picked the night he's off because i know it'll drag on.

i'm generally pissy tonight so i'm gonna wrap it up. i am just so done with trying to make a decision. i waffle, i'm scared, i feel ignorant..and wait, oh yeah, i'm a woman and it's the end of the month so i couldn't do the math.
if this were twitter the hash tag would read: whyispmsalwaysasurprisetome?

the final notice(s)

so all info is FINALLY received. it's a relief to have all the numbers. he got about 20% from Seattle. pardon the lingo but that totally sucks, for sure. it super sucks, actually.

I'm currently visiting family out of town and on the way I wrote out four pages stream of conciousness just trying to figure out my feelings about the whole saga.

I don't mean to sound dramatic it's just that I've been offered a job in Portland that may offer me a career path that pays more and is less controversial. a move means starting over. we have awhile to decide. it might be messy.

chock full 'o...everything!

today is one for the books. first off- i got my computer back. free of virus and malware. three trojan horses that ended up in a totally lost hard drive. UGH! this is the third time in five years i've lost a hard drive. apparently the words, back and up mean nothing to me.

the hubs found out he got into Drexel and University of D.C.. The latter is a lowly ranked school but at the time DC sounded like the place to go to learn law. i *think* that was his reasoning. Drexel is "up and coming" but didn't offer enough money. it's in philly and that wouldn've been...challenging to live there on one salary.

after learning all that, i got a call the from the hospital where i applied for an on-call ER job. i got it! go me, go reference givers, go me! i don't know numbers yet. when i do, i can see if it's worth it to possibly leave my current job and just work there full time. decisions, decisions.

so now, i just got home, checked the mailbox and it turns out the hubs got into Willamette. FINAL-FUCKING-LY we have all the info we need. they gave about 50% which is what we reasoned but now that there are actual numbers we can....oh wait, i forgot, there's still Seattle to contend with. that info should be here by monday. after that, then, THEN, we can make decisions. it'll be so nice just to have a decision no matter what.

on a personal reflection note: reheating seafood is never a good idea. i've learned my lesson.

on a truly reflective note: i find it hilarious that when i finally get the job i wanted in portland- well sort of - it turns out i may have to go. i don't know what this all means but i'm sure it's some kind of crossroads-life-is-a-journey-not-a-destination-all-who-wander-are-not-lost sort of thing. i'm just doing what i can. moving on like i tell my clients. making choices that are actually good in the long run and not in the right now. you know, all the stuff you're supposed to harp on as a therapist but is so fleeting in my own life.