There are counselors for this

had the "BIG CONVERSATION" last night. we're both mopey because (even more than ever) the reality of this situation hit hardcore.

the opportunity to go to law school, to graduate as a lawyer and seek employment as a lawyer who is not employed in a big corporate firm, without any law school debt is just too much to pass up. we're moving to toledo, ohio.

my sister gave me some good perspective: "it's just three years". i hear you loud and clear heather, loud and clear.

the only head-scratching-ness is how to execute this. do i leave early and seek a job because the economy is so bad that i get something before he absolutely can't work anymore and we're not both unemployed or do i work as long as possible here to save up money so that when we both move out there - we have some money saved?

the title was serious - i think we may go to a counselor as a sort of mediator/problem solving something...updates to come.

back and forth

i went to san antonio from last friday until late last night so i don't have a whole lot to process. my sister makes me a little sad but her children are great. i got a lot of sweet kisses, funny kid speak and fairly decent mexican food. pictures to come in a different post.

the hubs and i are having our 'BIG DISCUSSION DINNER' tomorrow night. i picked the night he's off because i know it'll drag on.

i'm generally pissy tonight so i'm gonna wrap it up. i am just so done with trying to make a decision. i waffle, i'm scared, i feel ignorant..and wait, oh yeah, i'm a woman and it's the end of the month so i couldn't do the math.
if this were twitter the hash tag would read: whyispmsalwaysasurprisetome?

the final notice(s)

so all info is FINALLY received. it's a relief to have all the numbers. he got about 20% from Seattle. pardon the lingo but that totally sucks, for sure. it super sucks, actually.

I'm currently visiting family out of town and on the way I wrote out four pages stream of conciousness just trying to figure out my feelings about the whole saga.

I don't mean to sound dramatic it's just that I've been offered a job in Portland that may offer me a career path that pays more and is less controversial. a move means starting over. we have awhile to decide. it might be messy.

chock full 'o...everything!

today is one for the books. first off- i got my computer back. free of virus and malware. three trojan horses that ended up in a totally lost hard drive. UGH! this is the third time in five years i've lost a hard drive. apparently the words, back and up mean nothing to me.

the hubs found out he got into Drexel and University of D.C.. The latter is a lowly ranked school but at the time DC sounded like the place to go to learn law. i *think* that was his reasoning. Drexel is "up and coming" but didn't offer enough money. it's in philly and that wouldn've been...challenging to live there on one salary.

after learning all that, i got a call the from the hospital where i applied for an on-call ER job. i got it! go me, go reference givers, go me! i don't know numbers yet. when i do, i can see if it's worth it to possibly leave my current job and just work there full time. decisions, decisions.

so now, i just got home, checked the mailbox and it turns out the hubs got into Willamette. FINAL-FUCKING-LY we have all the info we need. they gave about 50% which is what we reasoned but now that there are actual numbers we can....oh wait, i forgot, there's still Seattle to contend with. that info should be here by monday. after that, then, THEN, we can make decisions. it'll be so nice just to have a decision no matter what.

on a personal reflection note: reheating seafood is never a good idea. i've learned my lesson.

on a truly reflective note: i find it hilarious that when i finally get the job i wanted in portland- well sort of - it turns out i may have to go. i don't know what this all means but i'm sure it's some kind of crossroads-life-is-a-journey-not-a-destination-all-who-wander-are-not-lost sort of thing. i'm just doing what i can. moving on like i tell my clients. making choices that are actually good in the long run and not in the right now. you know, all the stuff you're supposed to harp on as a therapist but is so fleeting in my own life.

martin luther king jr.

I have always loved this quote by Dr. King:

The curse of poverty has no justification in our age.

I had to stop myself today while I was running around at work (yeah, I still had to go in) to really sit and meditate on the meaning of this holiday. I try to do that every year and sometimes I succeed sometimes I don't. Today had a different spin. I think we focus on Dr. King's message about racial equality and rightly so. He also spoke a lot about poverty, however, and it's beyond relevant today in many ways. In light of the global recession, black men having the largest unemployment rate in the country and, of course, the devestation of Haiti's capital all make his words all the more imperative.

In my own life I have seen poverty affect people in horrible ways: women stay with abusive men, children cry themselves to sleep because they're hungry, homelessness, eating out of trash cans, prostitution for rent payments and so on. These were all witnessed just in my personal life in the United States. I've heard and seen in film similarly atrocious things around the world.

My meditation and prayer today, on this day honoring Dr. King, is that I and all who have the capacity to should take those words to heart and act.

#9 & #10

The hubs found out he got into Seattle University and Hamline University (St. Paul). The Seattle one was really a treat- it's close, familiar and has the country's no. 1 writing program which is what he's interested in.

The planning, however, continues to go circular because we still haven't heard from the local school.

In other news, I had a great interview for an on call position w/a hospital. I think I'd be great in an ER. When I'd watch that show, I'd covet the fast paced quick thinking work. I'm supposed to find out the middle of next week.

I wonder what my mind will focus on once this waiting phase is over.

pause

i am tired of typing i'm tired of waiting. i think it's wholly appropriate to take a break today and think about people facing real problems.

NYT coverage of Haiti 

Mercy Corps - Mercy Corps is a great Portland based outreach and relief organization

i can't even imagine.

another bummer today- teddy pendergrass died. Love T.K.O. is one of my top 10 songs of all time. the hubs and i bonded over that while dating. it was one of the songs we first slow danced to. these days are not happy ones for the world.

this and that

i was away for the weekend so i wasn't able to post anything. poor me. there was absolutely no MHIGTLS news last week which i personally found refreshing. we kept any moving/working talking to a minimum though i could see a certain anxious glint in our eyes whenever we checked the mail. that's another fun change in my life with this whole law school thing- the mail. it can never get here fast enough, you know? and the hubs calls to see if anything came and i call him to see if any email (or phone call, yes, they even call admitted students) came. this weekend was a good break from all of that. sometimes just changing your location for 24 hours can do so much good for one's mental health.

speaking of, i felt there was no way 2009 could be topped. it really was my "toys and travel" year. i had a lot of fun. this year, i will be challenged to have the same kind of year i have had before in my life though with less money and still maintain the joy. i'm positive about it.

let the running to the mailbox begin...

waiting

no MHIGTLS news.

personally, the day was so so. I had a training that no one showed up for which is the third in a row like that. I guess that means the people don't care about black people. like Bush.

and it's so hard

the words of big pun still ring true. today was one of those days that's an odd mixture of highs and lows.

started with me throwing a tantrum on the phone. i'm still trying to find a way to make amends for that one. then i had an awesome time with a friend- it'd been too long. then i learned my grandmother has some kind of strange syndrome that, honestly, i can't bear to learn much more about. however, i then met up with a group of women for dinner who are all in my same career field and we've decided to meet monthly and support one another. i like each of them a lot and that was a treat.

bad turn: during the dinner and earlier meeting w/a friend it struck me how much leaving here will suck. i don't mean to use that word "suck" in a juvenile sense. i mean that leaving my friends (again) will require a great amount of strength of self that i'm not calling up too quickly these days. i'll keep doing what i do but i'm glad to have friends who care. i hope they know i care as well.

no MHIGTLS news. waiting on willamette...

longest week ever

i am one all for long, leisurely days but for some reason this week has felt as if it has been dragging on to nowhere. strange.

MHIGTLS news: U of Arkansas emailed him. 40% scholarship. that means that it's now the cheapest law school we would have to pay for. i still don't really know what i consider worse: toledo or little rock. six of one ..seriously.

truth be told i'm at work right now and have absolutely nothing else to say. until later...

New dawn

First day of 2010. I've taken to saying 'twenty ten' in true 21st century verbal laziness.
I've done quite a bit for being only halfway through the first day of the year. Well, not a lot of important stuff but a good amount of business. I woke, read, cleaned, baked, cooked, cleaned and now my friend is  helping me import my old LJ blog into this one. Wish us luck!

WARNING: all entries from 2006-mid 2007 come with a warning because it was written during my relationship with the hubs. I should've been committed - seriously, why didn't my friends run an intervention. Falling in love is seriously a mental illness. You've been warned.