i told ya i love these things.
A - Age: 29
B - Band listening to right now: the doors
C - Career: social work...for now
D - Drink or smoke: neither
E - Easiest person/s to talk to: my sister
F - Favorite song/s at the moment: handbags and gladrags
G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: bears
J - Junk foods you like: chocolate covered raisins
L - Longest car ride ever: from new york to georgia
M - My favorite Sport/s: to play - swimming/ to watch - basketball
N - Number of relationships you've had: 0 - i don't 'have' relationships
O - One wish you have: to spend a year traveling the world
P - Phobias: spiders, snakes, rodents
Q - Favorite Quote: "Vivir con miedo es como vivir a medias!" -Strictly Ballroom
R - Reason to smile: my niece's face, to reciprocate, happy happy joy joy
S- Song: "Maps" -Yeah Yeah Yeahs
T- Time you woke up: 6:04am
U - Unknown fact about you: i wanted to be a singer and dancer when i was a kid
V - Vegetable/fruit you hate: CAULIFLOWER/WATERMELON
W - Worst habit: biting my nails
X - X-rays you've had: 4 - all dental
Y- Yummy food/s: lasagna, sandwiches, any mexican, vegan cinnamon rolls from Daily Grind
Z- Zodiac sign: virgo!
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
zzzzz...
so i watched a couple of flicks today:
dodgeball. say whatever you want about ben stiller but when i am feeling down i often turn to this man to bring me back up. i was having one such down day and plucked down some cash to see this movie. ben...you disappointed me. however, i was all, "vince, come here big boy!" i laughed so hard i literally started crying during a couple of scenes. this movie is pure physical shtick + REALLY common story and the jokes are nothing new but it's so gestalt - truly more than the sum of its parts. it equals a really good time. b+
la casa de los babys. despite having THE MOST RIDICULOUS TITLE OF A MOVIE EVER i bought this dvd for three reasons 1. it was $3, 2. i enjoy the cast (usually) and 3. it was set in a spanish speaking country. my logic failed me terribly. a group of well to do american women are shacked up in a hotel (run by rita moreno and her leftist son) waiting for their adoptions for central american babies to come through. most of the movie is a character study of the women: where they come from, why they're there, the life circumstance they now find themselves in during this oh so grueling process. look, i have no doubt that this movie has a lot of basis in reality. however, watching this film left me in disbelief. i can't believe how boring it was. d
dodgeball. say whatever you want about ben stiller but when i am feeling down i often turn to this man to bring me back up. i was having one such down day and plucked down some cash to see this movie. ben...you disappointed me. however, i was all, "vince, come here big boy!" i laughed so hard i literally started crying during a couple of scenes. this movie is pure physical shtick + REALLY common story and the jokes are nothing new but it's so gestalt - truly more than the sum of its parts. it equals a really good time. b+
la casa de los babys. despite having THE MOST RIDICULOUS TITLE OF A MOVIE EVER i bought this dvd for three reasons 1. it was $3, 2. i enjoy the cast (usually) and 3. it was set in a spanish speaking country. my logic failed me terribly. a group of well to do american women are shacked up in a hotel (run by rita moreno and her leftist son) waiting for their adoptions for central american babies to come through. most of the movie is a character study of the women: where they come from, why they're there, the life circumstance they now find themselves in during this oh so grueling process. look, i have no doubt that this movie has a lot of basis in reality. however, watching this film left me in disbelief. i can't believe how boring it was. d
Sunday, February 26, 2006
"i could drink salsa through a straw!"
i didn't say that.
i suppose this will fall more into the musing category as i haven't actually seen a movie in the last few days. also, i don't really feel like doing backtrack updates so i'll do it all within this post.
d calls four times on friday...during the work day
so friday at work was so crazy i don't want to say much more. actually, the whole day everyone was all, "what a crazy day!" yeh. anyway, i come back from being in court and check my cell phone and d has called me like four times and only left one message. i have one message on my work voice mail and it's from her too! so of course i think i should probably see what's up. i call her and she has a very excited tone. i'll cut a lot of internal dialouge out and cut to the chase - she has a friend who is interested in me and wants to hook us up. this all came as a surprise as i'm pretty open with all of my friends about my lack of interest in dating anybody. just so happens i know this friend and he's cool and all (funny as hell actually!) but again it's that whole no interest thing i have going on. so, more internal talking cut short - i did compromise and say 'yes i'll go to the movies with him and d and her man' but 'no, i'm not wanting to DATE you'. jesus.
friday night was cool. m and i decided to get some baja fresh and then check out a movie. well the movie wound up being sold out so we just went back to her place and watching some old 'sex and the city' reruns. i love that miranda - what a hoot!
i head to mt. hood for the first time
i wake up early on saturday and dress in four layers. i'm going snow tubing! yee haw! so anyway, t&t, m and i drive up to mt. hood for some tubing fun. i have never gone snow tubing before and have no idea what to expect but it sure sounds like a good time. anyway, we pay ten bucks and get a big ol' innertube. we trek to a decent looking hill and the games begin. i just had a blast! like someone said - it's nice to just be dressed up in winter gear and playing in the snow. brings out the kid in you. we even did a train - a ride where you hook legs and take off down the hill together. i EVEN went down with a person on top of my back. now that was fun! i think the only thing i didn't like were some of the children. is that harsh? i don't care. some of them had no idea of what 'courtesy' or 'waiting' mean. and their parents! they just let them do whatever. yeah, there were some pretty shitty examples of parenting on that mountain. so we go up and down and up and down for about three hours all together. then we head over to timberline for a tour of the lodges. nice. eh. i'm not a skier so it didn't do much for me. it was a gorgeous building, certainly. it was a good trip. it really made me realize that the 'snow sports' world is this whole culture i have no idea about. yet, i'm not really sure i want to know.
t is playing tour guide and drives us through the gorge and we stop in hood river for food and stretching. what a cute little town! i had fish 'n chips that were the worst i've ever had. blech!
we get back to t&t's house around eight-thirty and spend the next two and half hours just talking. it was great. it got a little intense when we were discussing m's dating process but i came to a realization about that whole situation: it's none of my business. so, yeah. i came home and crashed.
"you mean the aria from the opera where you finger fucked me right before you told me you didn't think it was going to work out and you had met a straight girl that you beleived you loved?...no i don't remember that aria"
you know - my burgeoning re-interest in "the l word" may be the only good thing about k's brunches coming to an end. i stayed post food to watch the latest episode. i can't take another tv addiction. i already have my crazy sunday nights and that feels like too much.
there hasn't been much going on today and that's been the thing of the day - i had all these plans: brunch (yum!), a movie with e (she had to help someone move), visiting w/a co-worker and her friggin' adorable son (haven't heard back...) and then a mardi gras party (actually, it's downtown and i don't like to go downtown when i'm not working). and none of them, minus brunch, have/are going to happen(ed). and that's cool.
so i went out to costco for soymilk. i do gotta have it. it took me awhile to get there because my sense of direction is, um, nonexistent. the cashier was a really f'ing rude. so now i'm back at home which i think annoys my roommate a little because she's working but i told her no worries - i just need to clean. lord! my room looks like an explosion of gross laundry and shoes. no trash taken out...no clean sheets...no night table organization...bad news for me. i'm one of those people whose environment REALLY has an effect on my sense of being. so i don't really like clutter. i'm not an anal neat freak - but mess makes me feel, well, messy. no me gusta. pues, me gustan siestas. entonces, voy a dormir ahora. mmm...siestas.
i suppose this will fall more into the musing category as i haven't actually seen a movie in the last few days. also, i don't really feel like doing backtrack updates so i'll do it all within this post.
so friday at work was so crazy i don't want to say much more. actually, the whole day everyone was all, "what a crazy day!" yeh. anyway, i come back from being in court and check my cell phone and d has called me like four times and only left one message. i have one message on my work voice mail and it's from her too! so of course i think i should probably see what's up. i call her and she has a very excited tone. i'll cut a lot of internal dialouge out and cut to the chase - she has a friend who is interested in me and wants to hook us up. this all came as a surprise as i'm pretty open with all of my friends about my lack of interest in dating anybody. just so happens i know this friend and he's cool and all (funny as hell actually!) but again it's that whole no interest thing i have going on. so, more internal talking cut short - i did compromise and say 'yes i'll go to the movies with him and d and her man' but 'no, i'm not wanting to DATE you'. jesus.
friday night was cool. m and i decided to get some baja fresh and then check out a movie. well the movie wound up being sold out so we just went back to her place and watching some old 'sex and the city' reruns. i love that miranda - what a hoot!
i wake up early on saturday and dress in four layers. i'm going snow tubing! yee haw! so anyway, t&t, m and i drive up to mt. hood for some tubing fun. i have never gone snow tubing before and have no idea what to expect but it sure sounds like a good time. anyway, we pay ten bucks and get a big ol' innertube. we trek to a decent looking hill and the games begin. i just had a blast! like someone said - it's nice to just be dressed up in winter gear and playing in the snow. brings out the kid in you. we even did a train - a ride where you hook legs and take off down the hill together. i EVEN went down with a person on top of my back. now that was fun! i think the only thing i didn't like were some of the children. is that harsh? i don't care. some of them had no idea of what 'courtesy' or 'waiting' mean. and their parents! they just let them do whatever. yeah, there were some pretty shitty examples of parenting on that mountain. so we go up and down and up and down for about three hours all together. then we head over to timberline for a tour of the lodges. nice. eh. i'm not a skier so it didn't do much for me. it was a gorgeous building, certainly. it was a good trip. it really made me realize that the 'snow sports' world is this whole culture i have no idea about. yet, i'm not really sure i want to know.
t is playing tour guide and drives us through the gorge and we stop in hood river for food and stretching. what a cute little town! i had fish 'n chips that were the worst i've ever had. blech!
we get back to t&t's house around eight-thirty and spend the next two and half hours just talking. it was great. it got a little intense when we were discussing m's dating process but i came to a realization about that whole situation: it's none of my business. so, yeah. i came home and crashed.
you know - my burgeoning re-interest in "the l word" may be the only good thing about k's brunches coming to an end. i stayed post food to watch the latest episode. i can't take another tv addiction. i already have my crazy sunday nights and that feels like too much.
there hasn't been much going on today and that's been the thing of the day - i had all these plans: brunch (yum!), a movie with e (she had to help someone move), visiting w/a co-worker and her friggin' adorable son (haven't heard back...) and then a mardi gras party (actually, it's downtown and i don't like to go downtown when i'm not working). and none of them, minus brunch, have/are going to happen(ed). and that's cool.
so i went out to costco for soymilk. i do gotta have it. it took me awhile to get there because my sense of direction is, um, nonexistent. the cashier was a really f'ing rude. so now i'm back at home which i think annoys my roommate a little because she's working but i told her no worries - i just need to clean. lord! my room looks like an explosion of gross laundry and shoes. no trash taken out...no clean sheets...no night table organization...bad news for me. i'm one of those people whose environment REALLY has an effect on my sense of being. so i don't really like clutter. i'm not an anal neat freak - but mess makes me feel, well, messy. no me gusta. pues, me gustan siestas. entonces, voy a dormir ahora. mmm...siestas.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
don't call me junior!!
well i've finished the indiana jones series. thank god. i also gave away 81 minutes of my life watching a documentary. but they were a funny 81 minutes.
indiana jones and the last crusade. better writing than the last one and better action, i thought. i've always loved sean connery, also. i've come to the conclusion that i should've just seen them on the big screen when i was a kid. all in all, a great nazi ass kicking time. grade: b+
word wars. ok, i can't figure what's more sad: being a star in a movie about playing scrabble all day everyday or watching a movie about people who play scrabble alal day everyday? that's rhetorical. this documentary follwed four men over the period about about a year en route to the 2002 national scrabbble championship game in san diego. these men had various intriguing personalities: the egomaniacal, gambling young kid; the maalox chugging middle aged man with chronic gastrointestinal reflux; the "malcolm before mecca" baltimore raised, pot smoking man and the tai chi practicing previous champion. it's really hilarious/scary and anyone who has ever had a dream will appreciate it (and be a little bit disturbed). grade:b+
otherwise, i had a little head clearing about my job woes. the truth is i'm really grateful to have a job. in all honesty, i control how much i want to do and in what priority. i get to sit. i get to goof on the computer at least an hour a day. i'm inside. i don't have to do groups. i get some praise every other quater. i got to buy a car. i get to pay rent and most of my bills (when i remember). i can travel and God knows i get to see whatever movie i'd like. so it's really not all so bad.
i've been having dreams where my mom is in bad circumstances. i think i'm subconsciously processing the bad stuff in the past which is actually great - it's a sign that that crap has moved out of my conscious realm of thought. i actually know that to be true. i'm enjoying my present (mostly) focused thinking.
it's raining men. so i saw this guy on friendster who i thought would be perfect for m. i asked him about writing her and he said sure! my roommate was bummed that on Nerve.com she had to make her profile available in able to write to others. my question: well why are you on the site? i can understand staying anonymous but you know what? you gotta put yourself out there. all i can say for myself is that i know this and thus i am not putting myself out there...not yet.
y'all ain't ready!
indiana jones and the last crusade. better writing than the last one and better action, i thought. i've always loved sean connery, also. i've come to the conclusion that i should've just seen them on the big screen when i was a kid. all in all, a great nazi ass kicking time. grade: b+
word wars. ok, i can't figure what's more sad: being a star in a movie about playing scrabble all day everyday or watching a movie about people who play scrabble alal day everyday? that's rhetorical. this documentary follwed four men over the period about about a year en route to the 2002 national scrabbble championship game in san diego. these men had various intriguing personalities: the egomaniacal, gambling young kid; the maalox chugging middle aged man with chronic gastrointestinal reflux; the "malcolm before mecca" baltimore raised, pot smoking man and the tai chi practicing previous champion. it's really hilarious/scary and anyone who has ever had a dream will appreciate it (and be a little bit disturbed). grade:b+
otherwise, i had a little head clearing about my job woes. the truth is i'm really grateful to have a job. in all honesty, i control how much i want to do and in what priority. i get to sit. i get to goof on the computer at least an hour a day. i'm inside. i don't have to do groups. i get some praise every other quater. i got to buy a car. i get to pay rent and most of my bills (when i remember). i can travel and God knows i get to see whatever movie i'd like. so it's really not all so bad.
i've been having dreams where my mom is in bad circumstances. i think i'm subconsciously processing the bad stuff in the past which is actually great - it's a sign that that crap has moved out of my conscious realm of thought. i actually know that to be true. i'm enjoying my present (mostly) focused thinking.
it's raining men. so i saw this guy on friendster who i thought would be perfect for m. i asked him about writing her and he said sure! my roommate was bummed that on Nerve.com she had to make her profile available in able to write to others. my question: well why are you on the site? i can understand staying anonymous but you know what? you gotta put yourself out there. all i can say for myself is that i know this and thus i am not putting myself out there...not yet.
y'all ain't ready!
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
cold and achy
that 'bout sums it up. the kickboxing teacher is relentless. "sometimes it's good to ache".- my roommate.
um, ok.
it's official, i'm coming out - I. HATE. MY. JOB.
thank you.
i've tried to see the positives. i can see them but man i am working only for 4:30pm when i can say: peace, i'm out! fuck off! i try very hard to focus on the little things. for instance, tomorrow i'm getting a new computer to work with. the one i have now is...
i just had sushi with d after class. i could eat that shit everyday. i so love sushi.
.ode to sushi. (in haiku form)
rice around some fish
i love the wasabi too
splinters are no fun.
thank you.
peace, i'm out!
um, ok.
it's official, i'm coming out - I. HATE. MY. JOB.
thank you.
i've tried to see the positives. i can see them but man i am working only for 4:30pm when i can say: peace, i'm out! fuck off! i try very hard to focus on the little things. for instance, tomorrow i'm getting a new computer to work with. the one i have now is...
i just had sushi with d after class. i could eat that shit everyday. i so love sushi.
rice around some fish
i love the wasabi too
splinters are no fun.
thank you.
peace, i'm out!
Monday, February 20, 2006
today is...the greatest...daaaaaaaaaaay
i was such a friggin' "grunge kid" in high school. whatever.
today - i slept in (got up at 8:30...sad that that is sleeping in these days), finished the rest of "Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark", got my teeth cleaned (ouch! i promise i will floss more!), went out to Powell butte for a walk (it was too fucking cold), got some sushi for lunch (mmm..), came home and watched "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom", went over to d's for some dinner and more match making for m and now i'm home. i'm postponing going to bed because that means waking up and then that means going to work. work issues much? oh yes.
Indiana...Ark.i'm sorry but that is just to friggin' long of a title. well, the movie was really fun. harrison ford - wow! what a hunk he used to be! i think i missed out when i didn't seen it as a child, though. same with star wars. all in all it was a good time to spend some of my sat. night and most of my morning today. b.
Indiana...Doom. another really long title. come on lucas! anyway, i enjoyed this one waaaay less than the 'ark'. actually, to be fair, i really did not enjoy the romance in this one. kate capshaw was aggravating. the writing seemed a lot weaker too. indy's snarky comments just didn't bite as much. the action wasn't as..thrilling and the whole journey was kind of sad: reclaim a rock? i mean, after finding the ark of the covenant - what a let down. c.
alright, i've shilly shallied long enough. time for bed. EAST SIIIDE!
today - i slept in (got up at 8:30...sad that that is sleeping in these days), finished the rest of "Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark", got my teeth cleaned (ouch! i promise i will floss more!), went out to Powell butte for a walk (it was too fucking cold), got some sushi for lunch (mmm..), came home and watched "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom", went over to d's for some dinner and more match making for m and now i'm home. i'm postponing going to bed because that means waking up and then that means going to work. work issues much? oh yes.
Indiana...Ark.i'm sorry but that is just to friggin' long of a title. well, the movie was really fun. harrison ford - wow! what a hunk he used to be! i think i missed out when i didn't seen it as a child, though. same with star wars. all in all it was a good time to spend some of my sat. night and most of my morning today. b.
Indiana...Doom. another really long title. come on lucas! anyway, i enjoyed this one waaaay less than the 'ark'. actually, to be fair, i really did not enjoy the romance in this one. kate capshaw was aggravating. the writing seemed a lot weaker too. indy's snarky comments just didn't bite as much. the action wasn't as..thrilling and the whole journey was kind of sad: reclaim a rock? i mean, after finding the ark of the covenant - what a let down. c.
alright, i've shilly shallied long enough. time for bed. EAST SIIIDE!
Sunday, February 19, 2006
sunday, bloody (hilarious) sunday
omg. this is a complete backtrack entry but necessary. how could i have forgotten the hot mess that was sunday?!
i actually got up around 8am. wtf! then i made it to k's brunch. I WAS THE FIRST ONE THERE!! i am so proud of myself. i really do hate getting places late because it seems so rude and i usually cannot account for the time lapse. however, everytime i am running late there seems to be some spectacular mess of traffic. doesn't matter the time, place or route i'm taking. it's just God's way of telling me i should've left the house a little earlier.
so i chat with k&j. how friggin' cute are they!?! real cute, actually, is the answer. i ~do~ fall in love with k's "breakfast mix" that's playing in the background. every other song i'm all, "oh my god! i love this song!" well actually, every song for awhile there. so, they tell me never to watch friday night tv again. i agree because though i'm not "crosstraining" (by the way, i think the physical fitness standards suggest every week you should get 4.5 hours of heart beat raising activity in order to lose weight) there are plenty of other things i could've done.
many people arrive. i meet this woman who i have a ridiculous amount in common with: both grew up in nc in the same area (it's rare to meet someone who's even heard of salisbury!), are social workers, love to go to movies, read and eat and are virgos. amazing. well, maybe not amazing, but it was refreshing.
and the food is great and people are laughing, some are yelling, d is reading astrological charts, it's a good time. then 'get ur freak on' had to come up in the mix. oh my! there were asses popping and dropping. i think, "now this is my kind of church!" i hang out and watch "the L word". funny, i missed all of season 2 but i could follow it reasonably well. i don't think that's necessarily a good thing.
so i finally go and i come home. eh. i don't really want to be there so i...of course...go to a movie. i saw:
the squid & the whale. it was on my list before it was nominated for best original screenplay but seeing it became a higher priority because of the nomination. i like to be informed when the academy screws people over. anyway, it was good. story of a dysfunctional family in 1986 park slope brooklyn (my old hood!). jeff daniels is a killer as the cold, academic father being divorced by the caring yet closed (and adulterous) newly published author mother played by laura linney. i like her. her eyes seem tiny to me but she carries those meaningful looks well. the two boys, i think 16 and 12, are FUCKED UP normally but the divorce brings strange behavior out of them yet in the end they reach the places they need to be. the writing felt familiar, comfortable. i found it a very disturbing comedy and noticed i laughed at times others didn't. oh well, their loss. at this point (i have yet to see "match point") i doubt it'll win the oscar against the likes of 'syriana' and 'crash' and 'good night, and good luck' but the oscars have no shortage of surprise winners. but i digress: b+
i actually got up around 8am. wtf! then i made it to k's brunch. I WAS THE FIRST ONE THERE!! i am so proud of myself. i really do hate getting places late because it seems so rude and i usually cannot account for the time lapse. however, everytime i am running late there seems to be some spectacular mess of traffic. doesn't matter the time, place or route i'm taking. it's just God's way of telling me i should've left the house a little earlier.
so i chat with k&j. how friggin' cute are they!?! real cute, actually, is the answer. i ~do~ fall in love with k's "breakfast mix" that's playing in the background. every other song i'm all, "oh my god! i love this song!" well actually, every song for awhile there. so, they tell me never to watch friday night tv again. i agree because though i'm not "crosstraining" (by the way, i think the physical fitness standards suggest every week you should get 4.5 hours of heart beat raising activity in order to lose weight) there are plenty of other things i could've done.
many people arrive. i meet this woman who i have a ridiculous amount in common with: both grew up in nc in the same area (it's rare to meet someone who's even heard of salisbury!), are social workers, love to go to movies, read and eat and are virgos. amazing. well, maybe not amazing, but it was refreshing.
and the food is great and people are laughing, some are yelling, d is reading astrological charts, it's a good time. then 'get ur freak on' had to come up in the mix. oh my! there were asses popping and dropping. i think, "now this is my kind of church!" i hang out and watch "the L word". funny, i missed all of season 2 but i could follow it reasonably well. i don't think that's necessarily a good thing.
so i finally go and i come home. eh. i don't really want to be there so i...of course...go to a movie. i saw:
the squid & the whale. it was on my list before it was nominated for best original screenplay but seeing it became a higher priority because of the nomination. i like to be informed when the academy screws people over. anyway, it was good. story of a dysfunctional family in 1986 park slope brooklyn (my old hood!). jeff daniels is a killer as the cold, academic father being divorced by the caring yet closed (and adulterous) newly published author mother played by laura linney. i like her. her eyes seem tiny to me but she carries those meaningful looks well. the two boys, i think 16 and 12, are FUCKED UP normally but the divorce brings strange behavior out of them yet in the end they reach the places they need to be. the writing felt familiar, comfortable. i found it a very disturbing comedy and noticed i laughed at times others didn't. oh well, their loss. at this point (i have yet to see "match point") i doubt it'll win the oscar against the likes of 'syriana' and 'crash' and 'good night, and good luck' but the oscars have no shortage of surprise winners. but i digress: b+
Saturday, February 18, 2006
s-a-t-e-r-d-a-y night
do you remember that song? i don't really but it was entered my awareness through 'wayne's world' when i was a teenager. or was it 'so i married an ax murderer'? i don't know...something with mike myers. my best friend loved mike myers so i saw a lot with him. anyway, we were singing along to the song where they spell out saturday and the friend we were with spelled it as typed in the title. there was an awkward pause.
moving on.
i spent last night doing something i am deeply ashamed of. k&j were kind enough to counsel me so i've already sought help. my crime? i watched, not one but two episodes of 'trading spouses: meet your new mommy' last night. my main defense is that i had nothing else to do. well, that's not true - i'm sure i could have found ANYTHING but that. but i didn't. my other defense is that the teaser commercials just made it sound like it'd be what i like to call hilarious/scary. and it was.
a new age woman and a FANATICAL christian woman switch households for a week. the new age woman goes to louisana and is (ironically) practically crucified by the friends of the family for not being a christian. the hilarious/scary favorite scene of her experience:
evil christian woman 3: so do you beleive in God or in a "higher power"?
she even pantomined the quotations. poor hippie woman. she was only trying to spread love (and hypnotherapy).
the most hilarious/scary scenes belonged to FANATICAL christian woman. she's shipped off to an evil dark world (boston suburb) where they practice satanic rituals (summer solstice party) and make offerings to false gods (they burned insense at the party). then she's forced to do a radio show giving advice about ungodly acts (sex) and her breaking point is when she is forced to work on the show with a practitioner of the darkest art (he was a psychic (a christian one to boot)). she finally put her foot down (she'd been the most demanding person i'd ever seen before this) and decided the family would do what she wanted (they went to church). she appealed to the children for help (she prosilitized each and every one (and they said no, score!)). when the heathen spawn didn't work she appealed to the husband (he validated her having her choice of belief) and he let her down. what more could anyone do? well, she pitched a fit. i mean, full on dramatic clutching of the chest, shallow breathing, crying, wailing. everything. when she finally got back to her family she kicked up the volume and there are all of these shots of her family staring with wide-eyed horror. i expected the bitchy, bossy older daughter to say, "not again - go get mom's medication". well, that's what i wanted to be said. didn't happen. she kicked the camera crew out, "if you are a christian then you can stay. if you are not of the lord then get out of my house. GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!"
it was entertaining. but i'll never do it again.
so to combat any temptation i may have had to repeat last night's horror - i rented all three of the indiana jones movies. the guy at movie madness helped me put them in order. he just sort of stared at them and was like, "man, i can't think of a better way to spend the night!" i could but you know - i had to work with what i got. anyway, i've only managed to watch the first half of the first one. i'm really tired and have decided to go to bed at 9:30pm on a saturday night. wow.
moving on.
i spent last night doing something i am deeply ashamed of. k&j were kind enough to counsel me so i've already sought help. my crime? i watched, not one but two episodes of 'trading spouses: meet your new mommy' last night. my main defense is that i had nothing else to do. well, that's not true - i'm sure i could have found ANYTHING but that. but i didn't. my other defense is that the teaser commercials just made it sound like it'd be what i like to call hilarious/scary. and it was.
a new age woman and a FANATICAL christian woman switch households for a week. the new age woman goes to louisana and is (ironically) practically crucified by the friends of the family for not being a christian. the hilarious/scary favorite scene of her experience:
evil christian woman 3: so do you beleive in God or in a "higher power"?
she even pantomined the quotations. poor hippie woman. she was only trying to spread love (and hypnotherapy).
the most hilarious/scary scenes belonged to FANATICAL christian woman. she's shipped off to an evil dark world (boston suburb) where they practice satanic rituals (summer solstice party) and make offerings to false gods (they burned insense at the party). then she's forced to do a radio show giving advice about ungodly acts (sex) and her breaking point is when she is forced to work on the show with a practitioner of the darkest art (he was a psychic (a christian one to boot)). she finally put her foot down (she'd been the most demanding person i'd ever seen before this) and decided the family would do what she wanted (they went to church). she appealed to the children for help (she prosilitized each and every one (and they said no, score!)). when the heathen spawn didn't work she appealed to the husband (he validated her having her choice of belief) and he let her down. what more could anyone do? well, she pitched a fit. i mean, full on dramatic clutching of the chest, shallow breathing, crying, wailing. everything. when she finally got back to her family she kicked up the volume and there are all of these shots of her family staring with wide-eyed horror. i expected the bitchy, bossy older daughter to say, "not again - go get mom's medication". well, that's what i wanted to be said. didn't happen. she kicked the camera crew out, "if you are a christian then you can stay. if you are not of the lord then get out of my house. GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!"
it was entertaining. but i'll never do it again.
so to combat any temptation i may have had to repeat last night's horror - i rented all three of the indiana jones movies. the guy at movie madness helped me put them in order. he just sort of stared at them and was like, "man, i can't think of a better way to spend the night!" i could but you know - i had to work with what i got. anyway, i've only managed to watch the first half of the first one. i'm really tired and have decided to go to bed at 9:30pm on a saturday night. wow.
Friday, February 17, 2006
survey whore
i've received a couple of these from ephany and i've yet to complete one even though i love reading them. so here goes.
1. First Name? eris
2. Were you named after anyone? the answer is allegedly no
3. Do you wish on stars? sure
4. Which finger is your favorite? chicken
5. When did you last cry? about a week ago?
6. Do you like your handwriting? eh
7. What is your favorite lunchmeat? roast beef (i miss those bodega deli sandwiches)
8. What's the most embarrassing CD on your shelf? i forget the name but it's a best of the 90s hip hop vol.
9. If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself? we'd be BFF!
10. Are you a daredevil? not really
11. Do you trust others easily? nope
12. What class in school do you think is totally useless? GEOMETRY!
13. Do you have a journal? you're reading the latest incarnation
14. What do you look for in a guy/girl? humor, truth, beauty (what i call it), intelligence, conversation, desire for improvement, devotion to me
15. What are your nicknames? eri, e
16. Would you bungee jump? n-o
17. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? soy dream's cherry nirvana
18. Shoe size? 10
19. What's your favorite color? currenty, red
20. How many wisdom teeth do you have? two
21. Do you want everyone to send this back? sure, dunno, not really applicable
22. What are you listening to right now? the simpsons
23. Last thing you ate/drank? a veggie burrito/water
24. Last person you talked to on the phone? an apartment manager
25. Do you like the person who sent this? MUCHO!
26. How are you today? feeling a little disgusted
27. Favorite sports? i love to swim and do kickboxing type of aerobics and i'll watch most things...
28. Hair color? black
29. Eye color? brown
30. Do you wear contacts? no
31. Siblings? 4
32. Favorite month? september
33. Favorite food? right now - chicken tibbs from dalo's
34. Last movie you watched in theatres? rumor has it
35. Favorite day(s)/time of the year? saturday/fall
36. Scary movies or happy endings? (is this in the same category?)happy endings
37. Summer or winter? neither i prefer moderation but if i have to choose: winter
38. Who is most likely to respond? well as about 3 three people know about this site i'd say one of them
39. Who is least likely to respond? the other two
40. What are you currently reading? "turning thirty" by mike gayle
41. What's on your mouse pad? it's a laptop, there's no pad (me too!)
42. Favorite board game? clue and taboo
43. What did you watch on TV last night? NOT the office because of the olympics; something on opb
44. Favorite smells? lavender and my new escential oil mix: chinese musk + linen
45. What's the 1st thing you think when you wake up? ...i could call in...
46. Write one nice thing about the person who sent this to you? she is so kind and generous. i'm glad i've entered her world.
47. What's your favorite weather? ~77 degrees with partly to mostly sunny skies and a breeze. ah!
48. What is your favorite saying/comments? "that's how they get ya" "you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one gets filled first" & lots of other movie quotes.
50. Cats or dogs? dogs
1. First Name? eris
2. Were you named after anyone? the answer is allegedly no
3. Do you wish on stars? sure
4. Which finger is your favorite? chicken
5. When did you last cry? about a week ago?
6. Do you like your handwriting? eh
7. What is your favorite lunchmeat? roast beef (i miss those bodega deli sandwiches)
8. What's the most embarrassing CD on your shelf? i forget the name but it's a best of the 90s hip hop vol.
9. If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself? we'd be BFF!
10. Are you a daredevil? not really
11. Do you trust others easily? nope
12. What class in school do you think is totally useless? GEOMETRY!
13. Do you have a journal? you're reading the latest incarnation
14. What do you look for in a guy/girl? humor, truth, beauty (what i call it), intelligence, conversation, desire for improvement, devotion to me
15. What are your nicknames? eri, e
16. Would you bungee jump? n-o
17. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? soy dream's cherry nirvana
18. Shoe size? 10
19. What's your favorite color? currenty, red
20. How many wisdom teeth do you have? two
21. Do you want everyone to send this back? sure, dunno, not really applicable
22. What are you listening to right now? the simpsons
23. Last thing you ate/drank? a veggie burrito/water
24. Last person you talked to on the phone? an apartment manager
25. Do you like the person who sent this? MUCHO!
26. How are you today? feeling a little disgusted
27. Favorite sports? i love to swim and do kickboxing type of aerobics and i'll watch most things...
28. Hair color? black
29. Eye color? brown
30. Do you wear contacts? no
31. Siblings? 4
32. Favorite month? september
33. Favorite food? right now - chicken tibbs from dalo's
34. Last movie you watched in theatres? rumor has it
35. Favorite day(s)/time of the year? saturday/fall
36. Scary movies or happy endings? (is this in the same category?)happy endings
37. Summer or winter? neither i prefer moderation but if i have to choose: winter
38. Who is most likely to respond? well as about 3 three people know about this site i'd say one of them
39. Who is least likely to respond? the other two
40. What are you currently reading? "turning thirty" by mike gayle
41. What's on your mouse pad? it's a laptop, there's no pad (me too!)
42. Favorite board game? clue and taboo
43. What did you watch on TV last night? NOT the office because of the olympics; something on opb
44. Favorite smells? lavender and my new escential oil mix: chinese musk + linen
45. What's the 1st thing you think when you wake up? ...i could call in...
46. Write one nice thing about the person who sent this to you? she is so kind and generous. i'm glad i've entered her world.
47. What's your favorite weather? ~77 degrees with partly to mostly sunny skies and a breeze. ah!
48. What is your favorite saying/comments? "that's how they get ya" "you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one gets filled first" & lots of other movie quotes.
50. Cats or dogs? dogs
Thursday, February 16, 2006
going home annoyed
that's what i did today. not go home sick but annoyed. actually stressed is more accurate. same thing though, nothing really new to complain about.
also, i think i may have felt less tolerant today because i'm going through some pretty intense work on myself. ugh, i hate the way that even reads much less sounds but it's what i've chose to do with myself lately. learning those things that have kept me in a virtual social holding pattern. focusing on what needs to be changed and then actually taking those steps that lead to change. you know...little stuff.
when i was leaving i thought of what i could do with the rest of my day. a co-worker said, "sleep and ask for an answer". hey - i do odd, sage, unsolicited advice so i did that. i also went to the library and picked up a book. i actually thought, "i'm burned out on movies right now, i miss reading". oddness. but i did watch something last night.
flightplan. i walked into movie madness on valentine's day and thought, "what is the antithesis of valentine's day feeling?" and there it was. jodie foster playing a woman, a propulsion engineer, who loses her daughter on the biggest airplane in the world. an airplane she helped design. pure psych. thriller schlock. i can appreciate that genre now and then but this just wasn't good. i was pissed and was completely able to guess the ending. peter saarsgard did a great job of looking like he always does (to me anyway): slimy, bored and little dirty, like maybe he hadn't showered in three days. all in all: yawn. d. (it was the opposite of love though)
i just checked out my OLD website and was laughing, crying over my 21 and 22 year old self. iread about how i drank a lot. i even smoked. man, i did a lot road tripping. throughout the reading i actually became grateful for my 29 year old self. i can go to bed with that on my soul.
also, i think i may have felt less tolerant today because i'm going through some pretty intense work on myself. ugh, i hate the way that even reads much less sounds but it's what i've chose to do with myself lately. learning those things that have kept me in a virtual social holding pattern. focusing on what needs to be changed and then actually taking those steps that lead to change. you know...little stuff.
when i was leaving i thought of what i could do with the rest of my day. a co-worker said, "sleep and ask for an answer". hey - i do odd, sage, unsolicited advice so i did that. i also went to the library and picked up a book. i actually thought, "i'm burned out on movies right now, i miss reading". oddness. but i did watch something last night.
flightplan. i walked into movie madness on valentine's day and thought, "what is the antithesis of valentine's day feeling?" and there it was. jodie foster playing a woman, a propulsion engineer, who loses her daughter on the biggest airplane in the world. an airplane she helped design. pure psych. thriller schlock. i can appreciate that genre now and then but this just wasn't good. i was pissed and was completely able to guess the ending. peter saarsgard did a great job of looking like he always does (to me anyway): slimy, bored and little dirty, like maybe he hadn't showered in three days. all in all: yawn. d. (it was the opposite of love though)
i just checked out my OLD website and was laughing, crying over my 21 and 22 year old self. iread about how i drank a lot. i even smoked. man, i did a lot road tripping. throughout the reading i actually became grateful for my 29 year old self. i can go to bed with that on my soul.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
merry christmas
it's february 14th again. today i reserve the right to be a bitter single woman. but surprisingly - i'm not really feeling that way. i even bought little valentine's day cards for my co-workers. i dunno it was a sudden impulse and i went with it. my co-worker said, "we should have put a little folder over our desks with our names on it to collect these". i don't know if it was a zing but i took it in stride.
"just bouncing by to send a valentine's hi!" said the tigger card. i loved it.
i DID, however, notice i was all slumped over as i was driving home. i think it's because d wouldn't be at kickboxing tonight and i really didn't feel like going alone. plus, i had to take away the temptation of going to dalo's. mmmm....injera. so, i came home and did a 'boot camp' dvd, starring billy "i'm really the devil" blanks. one word: ouch. it was just like kickboxing but with bands. do you know how hard it is to 'jab, punch, kick!' with black rubber around your instep and in your hands??! i didn't think so.
so i'm dining tonight with m. we're having a roomie catch up night. turns out she's found an apartment on/near hawthorne. a truly unexpected move. i thought i'd be the one to be out first. in fact, she came back briefly on sunday and talked about how disappointed she was with the pickings. and now...she's out. funny how shit works out...or doesn't.
well, later days.
"just bouncing by to send a valentine's hi!" said the tigger card. i loved it.
i DID, however, notice i was all slumped over as i was driving home. i think it's because d wouldn't be at kickboxing tonight and i really didn't feel like going alone. plus, i had to take away the temptation of going to dalo's. mmmm....injera. so, i came home and did a 'boot camp' dvd, starring billy "i'm really the devil" blanks. one word: ouch. it was just like kickboxing but with bands. do you know how hard it is to 'jab, punch, kick!' with black rubber around your instep and in your hands??! i didn't think so.
so i'm dining tonight with m. we're having a roomie catch up night. turns out she's found an apartment on/near hawthorne. a truly unexpected move. i thought i'd be the one to be out first. in fact, she came back briefly on sunday and talked about how disappointed she was with the pickings. and now...she's out. funny how shit works out...or doesn't.
well, later days.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
oh fuck it
i was just typing my review of elizabethtown and lost it, dammit. well anyway, i basically said i felt it sucked and i would grade it as a c-. kirsten dunst annoyed me and orlando bloom was cute but ineffectual. ineffective? whatever, didn't work.
so in the last 48 hours i also recently saw:
shaun of the dead. i got a lot of encouragement to see this movie. emphasis on a lot. and i tried, i really did, but i didn't really like it. i'm not a zombie movie fan. i don't like storylines with zombies. i just don't even 'get' the whole zombie thing. it was also a romantic comedy and that part was good. i suppose something 'big' was needed to (SPOILER) reunite shaun and his girlfriend after she (rightly, i believe) dumped his ass. i can see where all the underground hype came from but it just wasn't my type of flick. c.
rumor has it. it stars jennifer aniston - do i have to say anthing else? well, i will. it wasn't horrible but dammit does she have to be 'rachel' in everything? shirley maclaine's character was, at times, funny but unbelievably harsh: "jeff darling...go play with your dick". that line caused some surprised guffaws. well, at least i got to look at mark ruffalo every now and then. c-
me? i'm doing a lot of nothing too important. i've been bad about updating so i'll have to do several back tracks today. right now the focus is checking on apartments. yep, i'm looking to have my first solo living experience. as the oldest of five, i never enjoyed the luxury of my own bedroom when growing up. then i went on to school after school which meant dorm room after dorm room. then shared apartment after shared apartment. i had a brief taste when i worked as a residential director. i don't count it because, sure, it was my own apartment but it was located in a dorm of 150 18 year olds college freshmen. not really the same. so as i'm no longer a student i figured i'll try not to live like one. i'll try. we'll see.
so in the last 48 hours i also recently saw:
shaun of the dead. i got a lot of encouragement to see this movie. emphasis on a lot. and i tried, i really did, but i didn't really like it. i'm not a zombie movie fan. i don't like storylines with zombies. i just don't even 'get' the whole zombie thing. it was also a romantic comedy and that part was good. i suppose something 'big' was needed to (SPOILER) reunite shaun and his girlfriend after she (rightly, i believe) dumped his ass. i can see where all the underground hype came from but it just wasn't my type of flick. c.
rumor has it. it stars jennifer aniston - do i have to say anthing else? well, i will. it wasn't horrible but dammit does she have to be 'rachel' in everything? shirley maclaine's character was, at times, funny but unbelievably harsh: "jeff darling...go play with your dick". that line caused some surprised guffaws. well, at least i got to look at mark ruffalo every now and then. c-
me? i'm doing a lot of nothing too important. i've been bad about updating so i'll have to do several back tracks today. right now the focus is checking on apartments. yep, i'm looking to have my first solo living experience. as the oldest of five, i never enjoyed the luxury of my own bedroom when growing up. then i went on to school after school which meant dorm room after dorm room. then shared apartment after shared apartment. i had a brief taste when i worked as a residential director. i don't count it because, sure, it was my own apartment but it was located in a dorm of 150 18 year olds college freshmen. not really the same. so as i'm no longer a student i figured i'll try not to live like one. i'll try. we'll see.
Friday, February 10, 2006
good riddance
this has been the work week from hell.
in the last 48 hours i've been told to go to hell, i've had to attend about 10 meetings, i've endured some pretty direct insults to my character.
*deep inhalation*
thank god for the AAHC and their free aerobics classes where i can go and punch and kick and imagine people's evil faces as i ball my fist and strike the air.
in the last 48 hours i've been told to go to hell, i've had to attend about 10 meetings, i've endured some pretty direct insults to my character.
*deep inhalation*
thank god for the AAHC and their free aerobics classes where i can go and punch and kick and imagine people's evil faces as i ball my fist and strike the air.
Tuesday, February 7, 2006
happy birthday mommy
yep, it's my mom's birthday. i skipped the family tradition of calling at the stroke of midnight though i'm one of three on this coast so it wouldn't have been that late. so i called today while babysitting (more on that later). she was watching the coretta scott king funeral. sad. she said she was making herself a veggie lasagna. sad. then i talked to my sister. we decided we'll get her a better mattress for her birthday instead of a laptop. i was gunning for the laptop. my mom has a, like (the 'like' is 'totally' necessary), 1999 Gateway laptop with Microsoft XP. in other words a piece of shit. it crashed when she tried to install dsl software! insane. but, i don't live there and i suppose she needs her sleep.
i hated work today. i went to along to take someone somewhere and the whole time i felt like, "this must be what having a child is like". i wanted alone time. i was like adam sandler in big daddy, "you'd think he'd want some alone time!" but no he didn't. i had to walk him to the toilet because unlike adam sandler's character i don't condone public urination. i had to do this TWICE. the man is just completely not functional. it's sad and horrible and the system sucks ass but i'm way too tired of dealing with other people's problems. i know that's a harsh thing for a social worker to say but i'm more about honesty these days. so, i'm working on fixing this. i don't know how exactly but i've got some ideas.
what else? nothing really. went to kickboxing class. big ouch. the ab stuff is getting easier so i keep going. went to dalo's with d afterwards. fuck yeah, i love me some chicken tibbs.
i hated work today. i went to along to take someone somewhere and the whole time i felt like, "this must be what having a child is like". i wanted alone time. i was like adam sandler in big daddy, "you'd think he'd want some alone time!" but no he didn't. i had to walk him to the toilet because unlike adam sandler's character i don't condone public urination. i had to do this TWICE. the man is just completely not functional. it's sad and horrible and the system sucks ass but i'm way too tired of dealing with other people's problems. i know that's a harsh thing for a social worker to say but i'm more about honesty these days. so, i'm working on fixing this. i don't know how exactly but i've got some ideas.
what else? nothing really. went to kickboxing class. big ouch. the ab stuff is getting easier so i keep going. went to dalo's with d afterwards. fuck yeah, i love me some chicken tibbs.
Saturday, February 4, 2006
thirty
i had (?) a friend, a very good friend at one time, who turns thirty today. we used to talk often about turning thirty. what would it mean? what would we have accomplished? what would we look like? would we be in the relationships that we had so long desired? well, i don't know about him. said friend and i haven't spoken in about six months. wow, i didn't realize it had been that long until i just now stopped to count. funny. i used to spend practically every minute with him. for about four years. now...nothing. what happened? well, he sent me an email back in august that changed everything.
1 : to put right; especially : to make emendations in (as a text)
2 a : to change or modify for the better : IMPROVE b : to alter especially in phraseology; especially : to alter formally by modification, deletion, or addition
intransitive senses : to reform oneself
synonym see CORRECT
this is the definition of 'amend'. i received an email with that word as a titile from this man. the email went on to say that for over a year i may have noticed that he was acting funny around me well, he was because of issues he'd had with me for that year long period. he went on to lay out every thing i had said or did that had hurt him. the email basically accused me of being cold hearted in relation to his feelings for someone he'd been interested in for a long time (two years). the situation was that my friend had, from afar, admired this person and felt himself fall in love with this person. after a year of admiring this person from afar my friend worked up the courage to speak. then he made more overt efforts and they did hang out a few times. as my friend felt his feelings intensify, he wrote this person a letter spelling out how much he cared for this person. this person reacted in a way that would expected by most people - surprise, discomfort and a desire to make it clear that they were just friends and apologized for anything said or done that may have led my friend into thinking there was something more. my friend was crushed. very badly. i spoke to him as best and supportively as i could over this two year period.
the email was long and hurtful. nowhere in that email did my friend attempt to "change or modify for the better" our relationship. the email was a point by point accusation of my inability to support him during a very hurtful time. i was accused of belitting his feelings by calling them 'a crush'. i was accused of actually laughing at one point. i was shocked to say the least. actually, i was fucking pissed off. i decided i needed to cool down before i could even think of responding. well, turns out that cool down period was eight weeks long. i contacted this friend and asked him to tell me a good time to call him (he's in new york), he did, i tried to call, he never answered his phone. and this is where we stand today. his thirtieth birthday.
i have a two feelings about this: one. "fine/fuck you too/nice knowing ya!". the truth is he and i had had a quite strained relationship before this whole 'you hurt my feelings and this is my horrible attempt at apologizing' email hit my inbox. in the middle of 2001, i was a newly graduated, fucked up, i mean, FUCKED UP 24 year old with a very limited idea of what it meant to be myself or what it was i wanted to do. so i did what many others do - i decided i'd go back to school. i also decided i'd go to new york to do it. this friend and i had made many many road trips to new york the years prior to this. we dreamed of living there. actually, i'd dreamed of living there since i was eight years old. anyway, i shared my plans and next thing i know he's applied to go back to school too. and wouldn't you know it? also in new york. next thing i know i'm being asked about where WE are going to live. what WE are going to do. i had not yet developed my ability to say 'no' and just kind of went along. i moved out of our bedroom in queens after a month. from then on we were pretty much over. and well, i've already described what happened next.
my number two feeling is one of grief. as i said we traveled a lot together. we laughed a lot together. we ate A LOT together. most especially nice to me, we watched a lot of movies together. he has impeccable movie taste - it far exceeds my own. and for awhile there in new york, we lost a lot of weight together. it was a relationship based on a mutual "hatred" of mankind. i put that in quotations because what i believe now is that it was really based on a shared anxiety over people. i got involved in working on that issue where my friend did not for a bit. it was a strain between the two of us. as i mentioned, he admired this object of his affection for over a year without ever speaking or approaching this person. so yes, it drove me crazy. i tried to be supportive and i have no doubt that i wasn't always as supportive as he would've liked. the truth is, no one was. he spoke to me and several others almost daily about these feelings. my feeling was and still is that there is only so much to say. there are only so many (over)analyzations about what this and that may have meant. eventually you have to take an action. you have to take a chance. i said such things to him but it wasn't heard. one part of his email accused me of belitting his feelings by referring to his 'situation' as a crush. rather, he said that when i was attempting to relate i would say, "well, when i was obsessed with...." i don't remember saying this but if i did i stand by it. it is an obsession. falling in love is nothing but. it's truly an obsessive-compulsive disorder. by DSM-IV standards. (again, i work in mental health, sorry.) you are focused on one person (obsession) and react in ways that place you in the person's path, you call them repeatedly (compulsive behaviors). really, if we're to be honest, falling in love could be considered becoming mentally ill. but i'll save that for my valentine's day post.
so, last i spoke to my ex-friend, he wanted to get out and do something big for his birthday. i believe the plan called for travel to london. a city we both had a love for. i never made it there. i also may never speak to this person again. i'll get over it. all this typing has me thinking it's a good thing. there was far too much dependence going on. i want to think that he was overly dependent on me but i do feel i was just as guilty of that. i knew if there was a film no one else had heard of and didn't want to see, he would've known it and would've come with me. he listened to my tales of woe with men. and united we could say "hey! fuck you world!" together. granted, it was all bravado. i learned an easier way of getting along in the world. i don't know about him. i hope so. i guess i all i would really say to him, if we were to speak today, is happy birthday.
1 : to put right; especially : to make emendations in (as a text)
2 a : to change or modify for the better : IMPROVE
intransitive senses : to reform oneself
synonym see CORRECT
this is the definition of 'amend'. i received an email with that word as a titile from this man. the email went on to say that for over a year i may have noticed that he was acting funny around me well, he was because of issues he'd had with me for that year long period. he went on to lay out every thing i had said or did that had hurt him. the email basically accused me of being cold hearted in relation to his feelings for someone he'd been interested in for a long time (two years). the situation was that my friend had, from afar, admired this person and felt himself fall in love with this person. after a year of admiring this person from afar my friend worked up the courage to speak. then he made more overt efforts and they did hang out a few times. as my friend felt his feelings intensify, he wrote this person a letter spelling out how much he cared for this person. this person reacted in a way that would expected by most people - surprise, discomfort and a desire to make it clear that they were just friends and apologized for anything said or done that may have led my friend into thinking there was something more. my friend was crushed. very badly. i spoke to him as best and supportively as i could over this two year period.
the email was long and hurtful. nowhere in that email did my friend attempt to "change or modify for the better" our relationship. the email was a point by point accusation of my inability to support him during a very hurtful time. i was accused of belitting his feelings by calling them 'a crush'. i was accused of actually laughing at one point. i was shocked to say the least. actually, i was fucking pissed off. i decided i needed to cool down before i could even think of responding. well, turns out that cool down period was eight weeks long. i contacted this friend and asked him to tell me a good time to call him (he's in new york), he did, i tried to call, he never answered his phone. and this is where we stand today. his thirtieth birthday.
i have a two feelings about this: one. "fine/fuck you too/nice knowing ya!". the truth is he and i had had a quite strained relationship before this whole 'you hurt my feelings and this is my horrible attempt at apologizing' email hit my inbox. in the middle of 2001, i was a newly graduated, fucked up, i mean, FUCKED UP 24 year old with a very limited idea of what it meant to be myself or what it was i wanted to do. so i did what many others do - i decided i'd go back to school. i also decided i'd go to new york to do it. this friend and i had made many many road trips to new york the years prior to this. we dreamed of living there. actually, i'd dreamed of living there since i was eight years old. anyway, i shared my plans and next thing i know he's applied to go back to school too. and wouldn't you know it? also in new york. next thing i know i'm being asked about where WE are going to live. what WE are going to do. i had not yet developed my ability to say 'no' and just kind of went along. i moved out of our bedroom in queens after a month. from then on we were pretty much over. and well, i've already described what happened next.
my number two feeling is one of grief. as i said we traveled a lot together. we laughed a lot together. we ate A LOT together. most especially nice to me, we watched a lot of movies together. he has impeccable movie taste - it far exceeds my own. and for awhile there in new york, we lost a lot of weight together. it was a relationship based on a mutual "hatred" of mankind. i put that in quotations because what i believe now is that it was really based on a shared anxiety over people. i got involved in working on that issue where my friend did not for a bit. it was a strain between the two of us. as i mentioned, he admired this object of his affection for over a year without ever speaking or approaching this person. so yes, it drove me crazy. i tried to be supportive and i have no doubt that i wasn't always as supportive as he would've liked. the truth is, no one was. he spoke to me and several others almost daily about these feelings. my feeling was and still is that there is only so much to say. there are only so many (over)analyzations about what this and that may have meant. eventually you have to take an action. you have to take a chance. i said such things to him but it wasn't heard. one part of his email accused me of belitting his feelings by referring to his 'situation' as a crush. rather, he said that when i was attempting to relate i would say, "well, when i was obsessed with...." i don't remember saying this but if i did i stand by it. it is an obsession. falling in love is nothing but. it's truly an obsessive-compulsive disorder. by DSM-IV standards. (again, i work in mental health, sorry.) you are focused on one person (obsession) and react in ways that place you in the person's path, you call them repeatedly (compulsive behaviors). really, if we're to be honest, falling in love could be considered becoming mentally ill. but i'll save that for my valentine's day post.
so, last i spoke to my ex-friend, he wanted to get out and do something big for his birthday. i believe the plan called for travel to london. a city we both had a love for. i never made it there. i also may never speak to this person again. i'll get over it. all this typing has me thinking it's a good thing. there was far too much dependence going on. i want to think that he was overly dependent on me but i do feel i was just as guilty of that. i knew if there was a film no one else had heard of and didn't want to see, he would've known it and would've come with me. he listened to my tales of woe with men. and united we could say "hey! fuck you world!" together. granted, it was all bravado. i learned an easier way of getting along in the world. i don't know about him. i hope so. i guess i all i would really say to him, if we were to speak today, is happy birthday.
jungle fever?
i'll start off my post by saying i HATE that term. jungle fever - it's really, really racist in my book. sorry, stevie, spike, but i detest it. insinuating that to be involved in an interracial relationship is an illness or a momentary slip into a delusional state or simply about sex is just wrong. ok, enough from my tiny soapbox.
something new. it's certainly not a new storyline: uptight business type meets free spirit and they fall in love. or even this one: black/white person meets racial opposite of him/herself, they struggle and then they endure. what i saw as 'something new' was the delivery of the above story lines. i read a review by roger ebert where he said "where the movie ends is not difficult to guess but how it gets us there is compelling". i completely agree. it's not some 'jungle fever' or 'guess who?' or even 'guess who's coming to dinner?' remake. it's honest and blunt. it's from a professional black woman's perspective about being in a relationship with a white man. it honestly, i felt, addressed the feelings that arise from such a union. how do her friends react? how will her upper class family respond? how do you deal with questions of hair? workplace discrimination? public commentary? it's all there and i for one appreciated that. it wasn't a perfect movie but the subject addressed is hardly perfectly resolved... still in 2006. a-
something new. it's certainly not a new storyline: uptight business type meets free spirit and they fall in love. or even this one: black/white person meets racial opposite of him/herself, they struggle and then they endure. what i saw as 'something new' was the delivery of the above story lines. i read a review by roger ebert where he said "where the movie ends is not difficult to guess but how it gets us there is compelling". i completely agree. it's not some 'jungle fever' or 'guess who?' or even 'guess who's coming to dinner?' remake. it's honest and blunt. it's from a professional black woman's perspective about being in a relationship with a white man. it honestly, i felt, addressed the feelings that arise from such a union. how do her friends react? how will her upper class family respond? how do you deal with questions of hair? workplace discrimination? public commentary? it's all there and i for one appreciated that. it wasn't a perfect movie but the subject addressed is hardly perfectly resolved... still in 2006. a-
Friday, February 3, 2006
what i last saw
well, technically it was a 6'4" mentally ill man who was crying. and wearing headphones that were blaring anita baker. fun, no?
but actually, i just saw the following movies and have the following opinions.
hustle & flow. yeah, yeah, yeah, it wasn't a bad movie. i had resisted so badly about wanting to see it not only because i heard it was about a pimp but because it was about a pimp played by terrance howard. come on! tell me he does not have that same face in every role!? you know what face i'm talking about. anyway, it wasn't bad at all. and as all the reviews said "it's not really about being a pimp". yes, it's not. a man, D Jay, sick of pimping ("you think i like pimping your country pimpled ass?") and wants desperately to realize his dream of being a rapper. DESPERATELY. i appreciated the intelligence and generosity that was given the character. i had to close my eyes during a particularly harsh scene where throws out one of his bitches. literally. that's why i resisted seeing it. i didn't want to be caught up in the sadness and drama that comes with a story about "making it". i love that the movie didn't come with a happy ending. i think some would debate me on that but i don't think what did happen means he actually made it. WARNING: SPOILER! i think a goal was accomplished by his song making it onto the radio but i think that the movie kept it real enough that you don't presuppose that now he's now a star.
really, watching it made me think of going to visit my mother. or the south in general. the despair that just seems to hang in the air. it's like you can just choke on anger. and people are doing what they can but it never seems enough. well enough of my poorly articulated social commentary. the movie is not unwatchable but not for the faint of (liberal bleeding) heart. b+ (points deducted for his hair)
my big fat independent movie. i am so mad - i can't believe i sat through it. it was bad. really bad. i had heard it was bad but you know - i'm curious (or foolish) enough to try movies out if they've piqued me that much. now i'll rethink that.
the movie sets out to poke fun at, to be fair, what has been the sort of formula some indy films go by. and to poke fun at the movies themselves. it just didn't work for me. i mean most of the films that were parodied were themselves so outrageous that parody just doesn't make sense. for example, pulp fiction. they used this movie for most of their gags (well tarantino in general). also used were: swingers, pi, run lola run, reservoir dogs, amalie, mulholland drive, the good girl, memento, of course my big fat greek wedding and about 20 others. do you see what i mean? those movies are so unusual that there's no good way to make a caricature out of the main characters. guy pearce in memento is a caricature! making fun of that character is easy but it does not, or rather, did not imho, make the original seem ridiculous. a noble effort, especially considering it was produced by the filmthreat guy but i did not laugh once. i didn't even smile. bah! d
but actually, i just saw the following movies and have the following opinions.
hustle & flow. yeah, yeah, yeah, it wasn't a bad movie. i had resisted so badly about wanting to see it not only because i heard it was about a pimp but because it was about a pimp played by terrance howard. come on! tell me he does not have that same face in every role!? you know what face i'm talking about. anyway, it wasn't bad at all. and as all the reviews said "it's not really about being a pimp". yes, it's not. a man, D Jay, sick of pimping ("you think i like pimping your country pimpled ass?") and wants desperately to realize his dream of being a rapper. DESPERATELY. i appreciated the intelligence and generosity that was given the character. i had to close my eyes during a particularly harsh scene where throws out one of his bitches. literally. that's why i resisted seeing it. i didn't want to be caught up in the sadness and drama that comes with a story about "making it". i love that the movie didn't come with a happy ending. i think some would debate me on that but i don't think what did happen means he actually made it. WARNING: SPOILER! i think a goal was accomplished by his song making it onto the radio but i think that the movie kept it real enough that you don't presuppose that now he's now a star.
really, watching it made me think of going to visit my mother. or the south in general. the despair that just seems to hang in the air. it's like you can just choke on anger. and people are doing what they can but it never seems enough. well enough of my poorly articulated social commentary. the movie is not unwatchable but not for the faint of (liberal bleeding) heart. b+ (points deducted for his hair)
my big fat independent movie. i am so mad - i can't believe i sat through it. it was bad. really bad. i had heard it was bad but you know - i'm curious (or foolish) enough to try movies out if they've piqued me that much. now i'll rethink that.
the movie sets out to poke fun at, to be fair, what has been the sort of formula some indy films go by. and to poke fun at the movies themselves. it just didn't work for me. i mean most of the films that were parodied were themselves so outrageous that parody just doesn't make sense. for example, pulp fiction. they used this movie for most of their gags (well tarantino in general). also used were: swingers, pi, run lola run, reservoir dogs, amalie, mulholland drive, the good girl, memento, of course my big fat greek wedding and about 20 others. do you see what i mean? those movies are so unusual that there's no good way to make a caricature out of the main characters. guy pearce in memento is a caricature! making fun of that character is easy but it does not, or rather, did not imho, make the original seem ridiculous. a noble effort, especially considering it was produced by the filmthreat guy but i did not laugh once. i didn't even smile. bah! d
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