everything hurts

thanks to billy blanks. i had a particularly grueling thursday afternoon session with him that my legs are STILL sore from. what the hell?!

friday night i hit the elliptical for 1/2 an hour. w00 h00. friday had it's more fun points though. like when i wrote one of the nastiest text messages i've ever even dreamed about to my sister. i told her i was sick of her complaints about herself and how she never gives anything and it's just generally about her miserable existence. basically, all i did was yell at people last week. it was so not me but obviously needed to come out. jc kindly suggested, on friday while i was at work, that i hang out a little by myself. see a movie or something. so i thought he was right and i saw 'Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day'. very enjoyable. i was still pissy von pissface and thus the gym experience. i'll get around to writing a review soon. i think.

this day though has been much better. in the eight hours i've been sitting at my desk i have observed: sunshine, clouds, SNOW and now it's sunny again. love it.

mellowed

I don't know what's up with me. Fought with the husband last night, tore my sister a new one via text message this afternoon...I'm operating purely from anger lately. I don't know why, what triggered it or what will make it go away. I ate so I'm a little better but really I'm just frustrated. I feel the weight of moving, career change, lifestyle change (stupid fucking weight loss!), marriage anniversary, family, racism, politics, beauty, and everything just bearing down on my shoulders. I just remembered that Jesus got pissed off once and he went and prayed. Maybe I should try that?!

God please help me. I am at a crossroads..again! You love putting me here. Well, I love putting me here and I know you love getting me through. I ask that of you. Please guide me through the next year. Make my heart light, my temperment even, my soul joyous. Bless upon blessings, please give to my family and friends. Heal the wound of sin for all of us. God, I've never even beleived in sin or the enemy or anythign before. More became clear in the last three months than ever in my life. I ask/request/demand your love of me overtake me like an illness. May I be FILLED with your love of me. In Jesus's name I pray. Amen.

By the way- REALLY COOL original Lord's prayer. ;)

Fed up

I'm beyond done with the negative responses to Barack Obama's speech. Have you read the Times??

This is what I see as the problem: so many want to proclaim there is no problem.

Was his pastor preaching some hate? Yes. Do a lot of "religious" people do the same? Yes. As many have said, if all of us were to leave a church that espoused a view that was clearly intolerant of a group of people - there'd be many, many empty churches. Churches are run by people. People are fallible. People are not God. God does not equal the church. Also, I can't beleive that now so many white people are running around thinking all black churchgoers hate them because of an AIDS theory. Are you kidding me?!

And tell me why is there the automatic response from some white folks that we're all just 'complaining', we all need to 'get over it' and 'let it go'. I'll tell you when I'll let it go. I'll let it go when I can go into the library across the street and bitchy white woman doesn't audibly sigh and then roll her eyes when I can't produce $3 to pay my fine (who carries cash anymore?!). I'll let it go when I'm not gawked at while walking with my white husband. I'll let it go when I don't have to work in a place where my boss exclaims with shock when learning one of our contracted therapists is black. I'll let it all go when I can stop hearing, "I'm not racist but..."

Until then I guess those people will just have to keep seeing me as an angry black woman.

bad ass kids

life is good. i am currently spending an unplanned night at my mother's home. she campaigned hard for us to stay- buying us turkey breast, brownie bites- you know the good stuff in life. we obliged. it's actually been pretty cool. my niece had a fit and was forced to apologize to us for crying and having a fit. i was proud of my mom for making her apologize. my mom has spoiled her rotten to the point where she thinks she's above manners. oh hell naw.

moving on, jc was hit while teaching. i mean, what the hell?! what do we have to do to get children to understand consequences of behavior? this particular child has already harmed several people in the school, physically and emotionally, including another teacher. i was happy jc pressed charges. hopefully, this will get him onto the course he needs for help. sadly, i know that attention to your problems come far more when you're in the justice system, particularly youth. here's hoping.

my sister called and let me know she's giving her crappy husband a second chance. you know, it's none of my business. she asked for my opinion though, practically asked me to tell how awful a husband jc is, so i told her he's not and that we are here if she needs to rebuild again. it's all i could really say.

kids.
no thank you.

Bizarro

The phone on my desk rang. It was my coworker MG. She asks, "So what's up?" I answer, "I don't know where I just was"  She says, "Huh?" I say, "Just now, before you called, I think I transported to another plane because I can't remember the last ten minutes".

This is my problem people. Too *little* to do. I think I'll stop complaining and just enjoy it.




 

when it's right, it's right

I emailed my old supervisor today to inform her that someone from the big, bad licensing board will be contacting her about my work. I heavily intimated she should mention how I walked on water. Offhandedly I also mentioned that we'd be moving back to Portland. I kid you not when I tell you she offered me a job. She's started a new program and it needs a manager. Oh man, Hannibal and I love it, LOVE IT, when a plan comes together.