black like me

moving to portland, oddly, opened me up to a group of black people like i'd never met before. here were women (and the one man i've met) who were not afraid to profess love for things like camping or disdain for things like being told 'you sound white'. it was, still is, quite refreshing. i'm being challenged though, internally, by my new position. i have such a ridiculous title - african american cultural specialist- it's hard not to think about what that means. i'm definitely over thinking but it's so odd i can't help myself. how is one a specialist on any culture? could someone who is not african american actually be a 'specialist'? so stupid. anyway, i'm at work just thinking about how empathic i can be towards people who look like me. i think what makes me a good counselor though is that i can empathize with most people despite their melanin level.  moving on...

i love the weather lately. anything above 80 degrees is not fun for my armpits or arms for that matter. i've been breaking out in the sun lately. it's a rash on each forearm and it has been going on for two years now. i'll have to go to the doctor--- when my insurance finally kicks in during november. sighs.

i saw 'The Women' this week but only because I couldn't stand the thought of being at home which is rare. Nothing else was playing at the time. My god it was awful!

when i had my first internship placement during grad school i met a clinical psychologist. i was working with her to run a play therapy group with 5 4-year olds. it was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. the psychologist called me out she said i was what they would have called ' a slow to warm' kid. that is so true. i bring all that up (again) to say that i am still catching up to feelings brought up by this last move. it's hard to explain to people but though i feel 'settled' on the surface i'm still feeling a little sad. it's coming through in dreams- fighting and running way themes- and just randomly i'll feel a twinge. i'll think of my niece and tear up. i miss my family more than i want to admit, i suppose. today, i got a package from my mom - it was a WiiFit head band and wrist bands. cute, kitschy, definitely my style. it's all coming out in the wash but i guess i'm finally admitting it was in the wash to begin with.

this weekend should be chill. is it wrong to admit i REALLY enjoyed my 24 hours of alone time last weekend? nah, i don't think so.