good night

we had one last night.

he had called me and not left a message and that sort of angered me. like- come on show me you care! i've been on this anti-arranging things with him kick lately and that phone call fueled me for some reason. but then...BUT THEN i had sushi with maureen and she talked a lot about her and bruce's relationship. it sounds like it's going well. i'm very happy for her. she certainly deserves a good, caring man! anyway, it made me feel stupid for being angry about nothing, esentially so i hopped in my car and drove to gresham to see him.

he was actually writing and i hate that i disturbed him doing that! damn! but he seemed to welcome the m&ms and we had a nice little talk. he said he was coming around to my point of view about moving to lafayette court. he also said he spent a lot of the day feeling bad about working on christmas and leaving for new year's. yeah, well, i didn't really know what to say. i said he's fine. he said he felt like no part of his life is going well. i told him he is ALWAYS doing well with me- even when he's not he is. oh i pray he knows that! he said he'd cook for me on christmas eve. he also said he's going to look for a new job. i pray he finds something that he likes. that gives him the time to do what he wants. it was all very sweet.

anyway, he had on his new (hot!) outfit and i just fell in love all over again. i usually do in his presence. on the phone? not so much!

anyway, i love him. i do. i am beyond excited to marry him and be his wife. i sometimes try and imagine what that will be like but i can't know, can i? it's interesting to try and imagine. the living together part scares me sometime. that man and his organizational skills are not good! i know i can be not the best person to live with but i'm comitted to making it work.

i am also comitted to making lafayette ct. a home. i'm getting decorating ideas and i'm looking forward to seeing how i am as an interior designer. basically, due to the nature of the job i'd like to really make my home a sanctuary. no work there or anything- just warm tones and bright, fun color. we'll see.