twenty four weeks and counting...

today my sister sent me an email. this is a journalworthy thing all in itself but the subject of this email was figuring out whether or not the person you are with is THE ONE or not.

i have more than a few thoughts on this 'THE ONE' business. last september my then therapist recommended i read and work out of a book called, "Calling In the One" by Katherine Woodward Thomas. she recommended it because i had just dated my umpteenth not-good-for-me-at-all-and-i-really-just-went-out-with-you-because-i'm-bored guy. and predictably i lasted one month. actually i think it was only three weeks. my therapist and i were not under the delusion that this book, once complete, would mean prince charming would knock on the door. what she suggested it for was to do some exploration and inventory into my relationship issues. it was wonderful! i was pissed off a lot and cried a lot and by the end of the book realized that i was TRULY ok with not dating anyone. in fact, i decided i wouldn't. i kinda dug the whole 'getting to know myself' thing. so here i was, for the first time in my life, ok with being single, and coincidentally celibate as i am not a casual sex type of person though sometimes i REALLY REALLY wished i were. but then i met mr. j and the rest is the rest. we hit the twenty four week mark (it's hard for me to count months so i just take it week by week) and all is well. shocking.

now this email was peppered with references to biblical verses in an effort to get the email reader to really think about their chose of a mate. this email and these verses are exactly why i am not a christian. i hate people using the bible to justify their beliefs absolutely. well, that and i don't believe christ died for my sins and i was born in sin - bull to me. anyway, i believe in God and the grace of this spirit i call God but the bible is a real problem to me. one of the verses in the email was about how the husband is the head of the wife. spare me. i remember being 12 and walking out of the service because i was so angry that my reverend was standing in front of the congregation telling us women that we had to obey the men. what kind of shit is that? anyway, the email went on to say: "really stop and think: can you imagine the one you're with now holding your hand and offering you comfort at the funeral of your parent?" seriously, seriously?! hey, that makes me miss grey's anatomy. oh i hope it's not even more melodramatic this new season. speaking of...

i am too ready for fall! y'all don't hear me now! i am TOO ready for fall.

i like that 'no other man' song by christina aguilera. yeah, i said it.

"enough is enough!"

snakes on a plane. when i tell people i saw this movie, i get one of two common reactions: was it good? and why? well i'd like to answer the latter first. i went because the previews were unbelievable to me and i like the title. it's got to be one of the worst movie titles ever (although for me the worst is spanglish). but you can't get more specific than calling it 'snakes on a plane'. i mean, it's so simple it's genius. another reason i saw it is because i consider samuel l. jackson a demi-god. i truly do. the man can yell, swear and mug like no other. even in the most awful of movies (the name escapes me but the one he was in with ben affleck would fit here) to the best ('the red violin' and of course, 'pulp fiction') - he shines. i figured snakes on the plane wouldn't be any different. and i was not disappointed. i'll get to the point: the plot is ridiculous, the acting sucks and the writing is inane but, to quote mr. j, "it's the best worst movie i've ever seen". that's about it. you will laugh at how bad it is but at least you'll be laughing. of course, there is the ONE line that made me paying $6.50 seem worth it. you'll know the line when you hear it and hopefully you'll hear it all because in the theatre i was in - the whole audience busted up laughing. it was what going to the movies is all about. predictably, the movie has already reached cult status (check out http://snakesonablog.com) and i'm sure the dvd sales are going to go through the roof. my advice: if you want to see a good movie don't go but if you just want to go enjoy being at the movies - check it out. a/d-.

play date

i have a nagging feeling. it is due to the fact that every once in awhile - say once a month - the boy and i transform into actors.

seriously.

we all the sudden adopt a character and an accent and begin to speak as these people. i think it's cute and weird but being who i am i also wonder why. this hasn't happened lately but i was thinking maybe it's easier for him to talk to me as someone else but i know that's not true. we've had plenty of "these are my feelings" conversations sans accents for me to discard that theory.

well, i give up. i mean it's not like i hate it - it's actually really fun. once, on the way back to portland from the coast in some serious traffic, i adopted an old british harpy voice and he was my lord-like husband of fifty years. HILARIOUS. really, we should record it sometime.

anyway, i have done nothing about reviewing movies since i've seen no movies. oy. well, i forced him to watch 'love actually' last night. here's his review:


love actually. "i found it improbable (he meant the little boy running to his love in heathrow, dodging security), ridiculous (again the little boy and little bit of the colin firth bit), contrite (i disagree so i don't know what he meant) but not terrible. though this movie is why men don't watch romantic comedies...too much pressure". c.

well, that's him. i adore the movie completely, just as you would that most tattered and hideous teddy bear on your bed. well, i guess that analogy only works if you ten and younger. how about your favorite pair of jeans or shirt or something that you just can't part with?

oh, bugger off.

hazy lazy dazy

so i went and hiked on sauvie island with miss d and m. it was nice. we had to go slow because m is still sick from an ear infection. poor kid. it was hot. not the east coast humid soaked heat but just a whole lot of sun bearing down on you heat.
we talked and talked and picked wild blackberries off of the bushes along the route. some were awfully tart but most were sweet. it was one of those great oregon moments for me...you're just hikiing along and you stop for a snack and it's all nature and free.

i just heard from the boy. he says: "what are you doing?" "i'm going to come over and hang out with you". i said, um, ok, is that a question or a statement? i swear.

alright, he's rung the doorbell, i 'spose i should answer it.

peace!

back in blue

la la, i'm back!

so my computer died after an unfortunate case of a myspace virus. grrr!!!!
i took it to the macstore over on multnomah....yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh, not a big fan of the place though i did meet a cool lady from brooklyn. she said, "...yeah, you know, i tried moving back there thinkin' i'd make some cheddar and come back here but...i couldn't breathe". yep, sums up my feelings about new york.

i miss it though. i've been missing my family like crazy. i know as soon as i see them though i will long for the comforts of my own home. oh, yes, my OWN space. i'm five days into my new apartment and i'm all mcdonald's about it - i'm lovin' it!

had a weird conversation with the boy - i feel a little weird because he's got this business he's trying to build up that eventually means he'll take off for eastern africa for awhile. this could be a year from now and who knows where we'll be at that point but it kind of freaked me out. so he's all excited and telling me this and i am being supportive girlfriend, truly i am happy for him to realize one of his dreams, but i felt a twinge of sadness. i'll let it go for now but...it's noted and now typed out in cyberspace. goody.

anyway, my other love has become cable tv. i fear for my soul after watching a half hour of the simple life as well as the real world/road rules challenge. ugh. oh, did i mention the bit of 'child star confidential' i managed to sit through? ick.

gotta go to sleep. i gots some berry pickin' to do tomorrow.

finalfuckingly 2

well, ladies and germs, it's done. i have secured my first apartment. i can't believe it. i'll be living way far east in north east. the location is not optimal but the place is amazing! i managed to secure a 2 bed/2 bath with a washer and dryer and a dishwasher and a patio and a storage room (as if i have anything to store!) all for a very reasonable price.

another reason i took this is because the guy and i had a pretty serious talk about the future...again. i was more open to what he saying. the truth is that commitment scares me. it was very hard for me to accept that someone may actually want to spend the rest of their life with me...that i was deserving of such a commitment eluded me. so while it no longer eludes, that doesn't mean i'm not still a little weirded out by the thought. but i listened and as corny as this sounds i really listened with my heart and i heard him. i heard his commitment and that was truly moving. the weirdest part is that i believed him. i completely believe him. this is so bizarre. i'm going to quit talking now.

shout out to my friends: the convo with the guy made me realize i don't really express enough how important you all are to me. each and every person has influenced me in some way, some good way. thank you all. it also amazes me how kind others are to me when i feel i don't give nearly as much. thank you all. you're amazing people.

enough with the sap. i'm watching '16 blocks'. man, that mos def is hot. but, er, um, i love my man. *grin.

'i love you'

tonight was the first time josh ever said that to me without me saying it first.

i love him so much i think my heart may explode sometimes. it's crazy.

finalfuckingly

Update, update. Hmmm…what do I have to update? I am not entirely sure. I received a mysterious comment saying I needed to quit having fun and update my livejournal. Ok, ok.

I’ve seen a few movies in the last month; not nearly at the rate I used to but I suppose being in a relationship does take away all the free movie-watching time. Sigh. I really can’t complain; the time has been taken up with other things like kissing. Lots and lots of kissing. But enough about that part of me.

The biggest thing I suppose I’ve done was be the maid of honor in my oldest friend’s wedding. That was trippy! We’ve been friends since we were twelve and I don’t mind telling you – I doubt I’ll ever be in anyone else’s wedding but my own (!). The week of the wedding was an interesting one, frought with all the emotion you hear about that comes with wedding planning: angst, frustration, sweat (literally!), joy, laughter, tears (of both sadness and happiness), grief, etc.

I first got to NC on 5/31. Her mom put all of us up in the nice, no NICE, lake house on Lake Lure. Those who don’t know it – it’s near the famous Chimney Rock, NC. If you don’t know Chimney Rock then how about this: it’s about 45 minutes west of Asheville, NC. If you don’t know Asheville, well, then I just feel sorry for you. Moving on…I had a pretty good time there! I ate way too healthily to be on vacation as the groom to be and his brother were master grillers and they like veggies, unlike myself. The groom’s parents came with his brother all the way from Japan. I liked his mom a lot! She didn’t speak much English but she really communicated, out of everyone, in my opinion, the true essence of preparing for a marriage. She was very helpful doing any and everything to help out. She was always smiling and laughing. She was just the best! The father was a little grumpy but still nice. The brother was really cute and nerdy in a Japanese way. I don’t know if that translates to anyone but me but…that’s my opinion. So while there I also took my first turn at kayaking. I loved it! Honestly, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to fit into the boat. I’ve got body issues, no doubt. Anyway, I hope that I get to do that again cuz it was fuuuun! Otherwise, I got to swim in a lake, something I hadn’t done in years. Pretty much, that was it. Calm the bride-to-be, you know? The usual.

We stayed there until 6/2 and then we moved into a Bed and Breakfast in Tryon, NC which wasn’t very far from the original place. Well, this is where my misadventures began. The first on the agenda was to get the pedicures. The bride’s mother is a great woman, truly, she’s very nice and generous. However, were I to give her a diagnosis (as I am wont to do) I would definitely say generalized anxiety disorder and maybe a bit of intermittent explosive disorder. Yep. So I was organized maid of honor and made reservations at a place. Ok, first, I live in Oregon – I know jack shit about the facilities in Tryon, NC. So, it’s a small town. Small town. There’s one person who can do pedicures. It’s $40/person (smalllllll town!) and it’s my treat for me, the mother, the bride to be. Well, of course, we got lost on the way there. We find it and the pedicurist is freaking out because she has a hair appointment coming in an hour and a half. The situation only got uglier. The mom decided not to. Then she decided she would. Then she decided she wouldn’t right then but she’d come back. Whatever. It was the WORST pedicure I’ve ever had. Horrible! We just left. Oh, and the mom never got hers. Whatever.

Meanwhile, back at ‘God if he ever asks me to marry him I will elope because I’ll never go through this myself’ wedding prep. at the Inn – room assignments are given. Luckily, my sister came and was my rock for the next 18 hours (she only stayed that long because she could not tolerate the mother) and we were put in a cottage with the bride to be. It was gorgeous and I loved it. I shared a bed with the bride to be and got my hair done by my sister.

The day of had to have been one of the most nerve wracking days of my life. I had prepared a list of what to do and who was doing it. I was in charge. Did I mention that I know full well that I am NOT a leader? I am not ashamed of this. I prefer being given tasks and doing them to a level of near perfection. That’s me. What’s not me is delegation but this is my oldest friend and I wanted her to have a beautiful wedding. I set up chairs, I arranged unity candles, centerpieces, I created the check-in table, I put up bows around a tent to add some prettiness, I helped her get dressed, do her make-up, carried her train around for the next 3 hours, posed for pictures (I look awful!), helped baby sit, made a toast (it went over wonderfully!) and when I finally got a moment to myself it was 1030pm. The day had begun at 8am. Sigh. It was a beautiful ceremony and the bride was gorgeous and she cried and he cried. I cried. It was lovely. But again: if I am ever asked the answer will be sure- let’s go away somewhere because I WILL NOT have a ceremony, I WILL NOT go through all those details and I WILL NOT have a maid of honor. Whew.

I really have nothing else to report. I’ve had my ups and downs, much like the mercury here lately – which I can’t stand, by the way. I moved to Oregon for moderation.

Me and the guy and doing pretty well. I’ve surprised myself – I am capable of loving another human being. Well, I mean, it only took 30 years to get to a good place with myself, I suppose it was inevitable that I’d meet someone. Ha ha! What a crock! I used to wail, on my knees and cry to heavens above: WHY HAVE YOU FORESAKEN ME?! AM I MEANT TO BE FOREVER SINGLE?! And then, I just didn’t care anymore. After years of tears and pleading with God, one day I just did not care about my relationship status. Then a month later, I went out with him. Then I fell. Hard. And here I am. Trippy!

That’s my new favorite expression.

I have no reviews. I’ve only seen: X-Men, Harry Potter and Goblet of Fire, The Break Up and that’s it. Strange, huh?

Off to the theatre…well not really. Help?